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FAMILY CENTERED PARENTING FEEDBACK
I had the pleasure
of attending Dr. Richard Horowitz's presentation, Family Centered
Parenting recently at the 31st Annual Spina Bifida Conference
in Washington, DC.
Dr. Horowitz developed P.E.A.C.E. or Parent Empowerment and
Child Empowerment, the basis of peaceful parenting. P.E.A.C.E.
and family centered parenting are rooted in three basic elements:
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Family
values |
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Individual
needs |
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Effective communications |
Every family is unique and has their own set of values. Each
family needs to define exactly what their family values are.
Secondly, individual needs are to be determined. Dr. Horowitz
feels many times parents are so overloaded with their children's
schedules and needs, they forfeit their own needs. This is a
big mistake. A family is not child centered, it is family centered.
Finally, effective communication with a weekly family meeting
is essential. This is to be a "sacred time' that has to be planned
in advance and stuck to. It is important for all family members
to participate during this meeting. Communication is the tool
to build relationships. Dr. Horowitz emphasizes that we much
validate or value the feelings of our children even if they
are wrong or exaggerated. In other words, acknowledge to the
child the feelings you hear in what they are saying to you.
Dr. Horowitz talks extensively about the 5 basic needs of every
individual. He tells us that all behavior is purposeful and
somehow needs satisfying. Even if a behavior seems irrational
or destructive, it is important to remember that it was generated,
consciously or unconsciously, to fulfill a need. Therefore,
it is essential that we help our children understand this about
their behavior instead of focusing on the negative aspects.
The five basic needs are as follows:
| 1. |
Love/Belonging:
feeling of unconditional acceptance and caring, sense of belonging, being part of a group. Relationships. |
| 2. |
Power:
sense of control over environment, feeling of importance/worth,
feeling capable, being respected and noticed, recognized
for abilities, to be listened to.
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| 3. |
Freedom:
to have decision making power, to have choices to make,
to move freely, to express oneself freely, personal choice
of spending time.
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| 4. |
Fun:
enjoyment, satisfaction, humor & recreation. |
| 5. |
Survival:
food, clothing, shelter, personal safety. |
As you can imagine, the basic need of power and freedom has
a huge deficit for the spina bifida population. Therefore, it
is all the more imperative to understand this philosophy and
how children with spina bifida's behavior can be altered by
the lack of these basic needs. I purchased the book Peaceful
Parenting at the conclusion of Dr. Horowitz's presentation.
In encourage others to be a copy by logging onto Dr. Horowitz's
website at www.rhsolutionsinc.com
Reported by Kim for the SPINELINE, Spina Bifida Association
of Greater Pennsylvania
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